Waxing Sartorially: Menswear + Advertising
I don’t mean to be bitter — it just comes out that way.
The mind can only boggle at the unfathomable and dazzling pageantry of abject dick-knuckling that pervades the collective consciousness of creative marketing professionals and fashion henchmen the world over.
It might be safe to say that you, my dear consumer, are being deceived; lied to; mislead – stuffed with something limp and shriveled. Like a thanksgiving hooker partying with a California congressman.
Strangely, most advertising creative-types still insist on promulgating the insulting supposition that dictates this; that it’s better to be as subtle an Aryan Brotherhood recruitment video than to indulge in the time-honoured ‘primitivism’ of radical and perverse double entendre we’ve come to expect from… you know, smart people.
It’s almost as if after the early 2000’s, when Tom Ford shaved a ‘G’ into some model’s pubis, advertising executives from the big firms thought it would be cool to start asking the same old questions with infinitely less tact. They went from ‘Would you like to look like this, valued customer?’ to ‘Why don’t you look like this? Oh yeah, that’s right. You can’t. Also; you’re a whore’.
Here are some examples:
This catalogue campaign from serial marketing miscreants, American Apparel, features a ‘model’ who wouldn’t be at all out of place sitting at a table in a homeless soup kitchen licking the sauce off his napkin. This whole campaign got me thinking: Does Dov Charney endeavour to make good-looking guys appear this wretched, or does he cruise police line-ups looking for suspected sex offenders? The shots don’t say ‘ American Apparel makes cool underwear’. They say ‘American Apparel hires out-of-work porn actors’.
D & C are infamous for their overzealous employment of greasy, roid-munching pretty boys engaged in pre-coital horseplay.
I know I’m a minority, but as a straight guy, I’m cool with homoeroticism. I even have a little criteria when wading through the murk and mire of men on men marketing:
a) Like anything, erotic or not, it must be interesting, creative or intentionally hilarious.
b) There must be some discernable point to the excess.
c) Must include Michael Fassbender in some way.
This Dolce & Gabbana commercial violates all three. Why are they wearing boots and socks but no pants? Why are some of them wearing stupid hats? Why are they all Caucasian? Instead of sitting on each other’s knees, could they not have found more stools? Was there a stool shortage in Europe that year?
I’ll leave you with one that I think, might be one of the most wonderful advertising campaigns ever, from Tom Ford.
This is what dem frontin’ ad-men trying to be:
Another beautiful Hermès commercial poster.